Oh, my.
Hey, man.
Yo...Dudes.
Huh? I don't know.
Mm-mmm, look what the hunk fairy just dropped off.
Jason harrington and Kyle lawford.
Gloss me.
Sorry. We're watching the counter for maddie.
We're not allowed to accept money, make change, or touch any of the merchandise.
Is there anything you can do?
I can shove 12 gummi worms up my nose. You wanna see?
Oh, there you are. Where have you been?
Never mind. Gloss me, candy girl.
Off the clock.
Thanks, guys.
No problem, sweet thing.
Aw... Call me in 10 years.
London?
Kyle. Hey.
Small world.
Hi. I'm Jason.
Hi. I'm, um... Uh...
Maddie.
What he said.
So, do you come to the tipton hotel often?
It's like I live here.
So, Kyle, you in town for the Usher concert?
Semester break. Our parents arrive from Aspen tomorrow,
then we fly to Bermuda.
Our moms lost their tans skiing.
Oh...I hate when that happens.
Well, as we say, gotta jet. Nice to meet you.
You don't really like that guy, do you?
He's cute, but I've worked here long enough to know his type.
Rich people don't care about anything but themselves.
Whoa, hey, man, recycle that.
You serious?
You recycle?
Sure, bottles, cans, newspapers.
Since when?
Since my father bought Oregon
and started chopping down the trees.
You heard of octicorp?
The center of all evil?
That's dad.
I protest against them.
Me, too.
I got dragged off by a cop.
I got grounded for 2 weeks.
I recycle, too.
Really?
I wore these pearls yesterday.
♪ Here I am in your life ♪
♪ here you are in mine ♪
♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪
♪ most of the time ♪
♪ you and me got the world to see ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ just me and you know what to do ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ it's you and me and me and you ♪
♪ we got the whole place to ourselves ♪
♪ you and me, we got it all for free ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ this is the suite life ♪
♪ we've got a suite life ♪
Oh, Kyle, Jason, I got us tickets to see Usher.
Front row. So close, he'll probably sweat on us.
Awesome. Excuse me.
Hey, maddie. Hi.
What is that all about?
She's all he could talk about last night.
Oh, please. They are so not right for each other.
I don't know. They're both rich.
What? Oh, he thought--
ha! I don't wanna burst any bubbles,
but it's so much fun.
♪ London, a word ♪
I couldn't help overhearing your plan.
Oh, good. Then you'll have the hotel limo ready by 8:00?
Love to, except your father saw this...
And memoed me, "no more of these."
But--but-- no "buts."
It is unseemly that a girl your age
be out alone with 2 boys.
But...
I'm not going alone.
Maddie's coming.
And nobody's gonna have any real fun with maddie around.
Good point.
Excuse me.
What are you doing?
I'm inviting you to see Usher with me, Kyle, and Jason.
Why?
Because I'm nice, duh.
Ok. Moseby won't let me go
unless I bring along a guaranteed killjoy. So what do you say?
As heartfelt as that offer is,
no.
Oh, come on. Kyle says Jason likes you.
Really? Rich guys don't date poor girls.
Why would Jason wanna go out with me?
Well, you're smart and cute,
he obviously doesn't mind girls with big feet,
and he thinks you're rich.
No wonder he's paying attention to me.
I'll go set him straight.
No. Just play along. Please?
It's only for one night.
Front-row seats.
Backstage passes.
You get to ride in a limo that's not following a hearse.
We get to meet Usher?
Sweetie, Usher gets to meet us.
Just call me princess.
This whole night has been so awesome.
Look, I'm a vip.
You know, you're amazing. It's like this is all new to you--
front-row seats, meeting celebrities, riding in limos.
Yeah, well, I never get tired
of sticking my head out of the sunroof and yelling, "whoo!"
Did you just hear somebody go, "whoo"?
It must be maddie. Get down.
I have an idea. Let's all go to the rooftop,
except for maddie and Jason.
So, uh, I guess I should say good-bye.
Or you could invite me into your suite.
My suite what?
Oh, my suite... in the hotel where I live
because I'm rich.
No, you can't come in.
I think that creep's trying to kiss her.
Man, if I was 5 years older and 2 feet taller.
I'd be squashed.
So you're leaving tomorrow? Well, I guess we should...
Should start kissing now.
But I hardly know you.
As a good-bye kiss?
Ok, bye. Bye.
Both: UNH.
What was that?
Cats.
B-b-big cats.
Actually, they're the hotel singer's twins.
When she works late, I let them stay with me.
You are so...
Yes, I am.
Well, I better go.
Uh, not before you say good-bye.
They're kissing good-bye.
Didn't they just say good-bye?
Hey, thanks for letting me stay the night. Sure, no problem.
So, word on the street is that Jason's kind of cute.
Oh, beyond.
And he thinks I'm the most intelligent, beautiful, down-to-earth rich girl
he's ever met.
Ok, ok, whoa.
Back up. Rich?
It's complicated?
I was doing London a favor.
It's not like I wanted to do it.
Oh, yeah, must've been torture to have to kiss that boy.
Cats told me.
So when are you gonna tell him the truth?
Never. He's gone.
It was only for one night,
and I'll never see him again.
Maddie, can you take us to the park on your way home?
Sure. Come on.
Don't bring back another homeless squirrel.
Aw... Aw...
[Ring]
Hello?
Oh, no.
Maddie, these are my parents. Hi, hi.
I, uh, thought you'd be on your way to Bermuda by now.
Well, so did we. But Jason insisted on another night in Boston.
And now I know why.
Yeah, Jason has spoken of nothing but you
all the way from the lobby up to our room.
And our room is on a very high floor.
You checking out?
Um, uh...
No. She's moving to the top floor,
the imperial suite.
Her old suite was the wrong shade of beige.
Well, we were just coming down to invite you to dinner.
I convinced them to take us to club nouveau.
Really? Wow.
I can't go. Yeah, I promised I'd baby-sit the boys tonight.
Oh, yes, Jason told us about your charity work with indigent children.
Cody, hey, Josh called.
We're sleeping over at his house tonight.
Excellent. Now you can join us.
Uh, uh...
We're on the top floor as well. In fact,
we'll pick you up. 7:00 sharp.
What am I going to do?
Here's a wild thought. Tell 'em the truth.
I don't think so. I mean,
if I tell them now, Jason will look like a fool, and I will look like--
a lying gold digger?
Which you're not.
How am I gonna get out of this?
We'll help you with Jason.
Why would I help my future wife hook up with some other dude?
Because he's leaving tomorrow, and she'll owe you big time.
Ok...Here's what we do--
first, we get you an imperial suite.
Do you have any idea how much they cost?
Aw, she thought we're gonna pay.
That's sweet. No, we don't pay, baby.
Zack: AND TO GET INTO THE IMPERIAL SUITE, YOU'LL NEED A KEYCARD.
Whoa.
[Feigns being hurt]
Oh, no. I think I hurt my coccyx.
[Groans]
All better now, thank you.
Maddie: BUT I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO WEAR TO CLUB NOUVEAU.
Zack: PLEASE. GIVE US A CHALLENGE.
Hey, Esteban, moseby's yellin' for ya.
For me? He never yells for me.
He yells at me, but only when I deserve it, which is often.
He's a great man.
You're keeping a great man waiting.
Yeah. But this dress must go to London.
We'll take it.
Oh, bless you, little blonde peoples.
Here.
Check it out. It's a Paris original
from London.
How do I look?
Rich. [Doorbell rings]
Good.
Enter.
Oh, look. You put the little inner-city boys to work.
They're so cute.
Be sure you check their pockets before they leave.
Fabulous view.
You can see the park from here.
Yes. That's what trees look like
before you cut them down.
Ha ha.
Our little rebel.
My son doesn't approve of what I do
even though it pays for everything he does.
I know.
Why don't we all come back up here
after the dinner that George pays for
and look at the trees that Jason loves
and have dessert delivered by that cute Latin waiter I enjoy?
Shouldn't we be heading out?
I hear club nouveau is off the hook.
Actually, all the Boston papers say
that the hottest ticket in town
is right here at the hotel tipton.
It's Carey Martin, the indigent's mother.
She's great. If you only have one night here,
you've gotta see her.
Although, I'm sure we can find someone just as good
who is not at this hotel.
Nonsense. We have reservations.
Heh. So do I.
Keep it movin', folks.
Only the best table for my friends...
But I don't want your mom to see us.
Which is way in the back behind a pole.
Both: WE'RE GOOD.
Alalalalalalal!
Hey, cutie.
Mr. amputator.
Moseby.
A pleasure to see you again.
Another wrestle royale at the garden?
The amputator's here!
He's my favorite wrestler!
Your imperial suite awaits.
And he's staying in maddie's suite.
Is that the expensive one?
Everything at the tipton is expensive.
Perfect. 'Cause the promoter's payin' for it.
Oh ho. We'll stick it to him good.
Yeah! Yeah!
What do we do now?
We have to get 'em out of that suite
before maddie gets back.
Just stall him. When I'm done with that room,
he's gonna wish he never checked in.
Need a hand lifting that? I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
Very good.
Um, m-Mr. amputator, I don't mean to bother you.
But I'm a big fan. Can I have your autograph?
Well, of course you can, young man.
Could you write that to Cody...
A young man I have just met?
"Met" is m-e-t.
And yet, I feel as if I've known him
for a long, long, long...
Long, long, long, long...
Oh, is there no end to this novel?
My apologies.
Don't worry. I put "to Cody--love, the amputator." How's that?
Yeah, that's cool. All right.
You know, most celebrities don't take the time out
to talk to a kid like me.
Heh.
But you're different.
So what floor are you staying on--
5, 12, 14, 17, 20, basement?
Well, actually, it's, uh, 25.
But thanks for hittin' all the buttons for me.
[Ring]
Hello?
Get out now! I'm warning maddie!
♪ Whisper words of love and peace ♪
♪ my love, don't fly away from me ♪
♪ oh, oh... ♪ psst. Maddie!
Shh. Shh. Maddie!
♪ Just when I thought I'd never see you ♪
♪ here you are within my reach ♪
♪ you're the truth I can't ignore ♪
♪ you've become... ♪ does she always move like that?
No. Normally, she--
na-na-na-na!
Excuse me.
I dropped my fork.
What are you doing here?
Moseby rented your suite to the amputator!
Really? I love him.
Hello, big picture. We're getting him out.
I'll call you when the coast is clear.
Ok.
Are you ok?
Great.
♪ Oh, no, don't run away from me ♪
♪ mm, hmm, hmm, hmm ♪
Ooh, a quarter.
I have been looking for you.
Esteban told me he gave you my Paris original.
Where is it?
Paris?
I'm telling the truth.
Your dress was eaten by wild Argentinean moths.
Give me my dress right now!
You told her we gave it to maddie?
[Gasps]
No.
G-good. 'Cause we didn't do that.
I'm telling moseby right now.
N-no. We'll take you to maddie.
You win.
She's changing in here.
In here? Aah!
Hey! I'm standing in a bucket!
[Pounding]
Man. Nothin' worse than wet silk.
Ah.
What else could go wrong?
Ow. Ooh.
Ow. Ow.
All right. Let's put this puppy back together.
Ok.
You must be so grateful.
I mean, how many young girls
would allow a struggling single mother
with 2 children to stay in her suite?
It's so much nicer than the minivan we used to live in.
And wait until you see her new suite.
I'd love to see your new suite.
No, you don't wanna see my new suite.
[Ring]
Yeah?
Ok, let's go see my new suite.
Ok, they're coming.
We are so good.
Is there a hall of fame for this kind of stuff?
Yes. It's called prison.
Both: Mr. MOSEBY.
There's two of them?
Mm, except in my dreams where I see them by the hundreds.
Oh, boy.
What are all these people doing in your suite?
Amputator?
[Gasps] I loved your last steel cage grudge match.
And when your shirt got torn off--bravo.
Thank you.
No. Thank you.
Maddie, what's going on?
What's going on is...
Aha! Get out of my dress!
What does she mean, "her dress?"
She designed it.
Let it go.
She means it's not mine.
I'm not rich.
I work at the hotel as a candy counter girl.
I knew she wasn't rich.
She's too nice.
I don't know what I was thinking.
I was pretending to be something that I'm not.
I'm sorry.
So do body slams always hurt?
Wait a second.
Look, I really don't feel like talking.
Ok. Then I'll talk, and you listen.
[Crying]
Honey, you really shouldn't have lied to Jason in the first place.
I know. But I just thought he wouldn't like me
because we come from 2 separate worlds.
I mean, he comes from champagne and caviar
and I come from beer and pretzels.
[Elevator bell dings]
I'm sorry. Could you please take the next elevator?
I'm such a doofus,
and now Jason will hate me.
No. You don't know that.
And you're not giving yourself very much credit, either.
I know. I'm such a doofus.
Stop saying that.
Here. May I?
You shouldn't sell yourself short...
And I bet if you give Jason half a chance,
he'll tell you the same thing.
You think so?
I know so.
[Sniffles]
[Blows nose loudly]
Mom, I can't believe you took away our tv.
Let's review, shall we?
You destroyed the imperial suite,
you almost ruined my show,
you locked London in a closet,
and you injured a professional wrestler.
All to help a friend.
And that should be its own reward.
Mom.
Mom, come on.
Hi.
Uh, um, good morning, sir.
So this is the real you?
Yep, in all my blue collar glory.
Listen, Jason, I'm really sorry
I didn't tell you the truth.
So am I.
I just thought you were like all the other rich guys I've met.
You shoulda given me more credit than that.
I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking.
So we'll just, um, say good-bye?
Ok. Good-bye.
Well, you do remember what we do
when we say good-bye, right?
I think so.
Again?
How many times do they have to say good-bye?
Get over it.
I hope you enjoyed your stay, Mr. amputator.
It was quite relaxing.
Unh! Say your prayers, amputator!
You're goin' down!
Catch you next week.
The twin terrors have hit at a fever hold.
Apparently, not asleep yet.